Venue: A road. Commonly observed in a single-lane country road.
Selfishness: “Quite lor I think”
Conscience: Don’t want to say so much. Too many of them on the road.
Allegation: As the theme suggests, he was fantasizing that his grandpa built the road.
Potential/Typical Convicts: Honda Cup
Cure: Memorize this and say sarcastically 1000 times to yourself. “You 500cc ar?”
The biker on top might be trying to overtake another one in front of him. (But he didn't do that till the next traffic light stop, trust me)
6 Turtle-turner
Venue: Left-turning corner
Selfishness: Nil
Conscience: Not known
Direction: Left-turning
Allegation: Nearly stop before turning at the junction
Potential/Typical Convicts: Inept driver
Cure: Go watch Initial D for at least 1000 times and learn 1% of the “float-shifting” skill.
5 Fast lane Leisurer
Venue: Spacious or Multiple-Lane Highway
Selfishness: Serious
Conscience: Acceptable if unconscious, Terrible if conscious
Direction: As others, on the same chunk of lanes.
Allegation: Drive at fast lane at 10km/h below speed limit for more than 10 seconds with apparent chances to move into slow lane.
Potential/Typical Convicts: Ladies that drive so cautiously, desperately holding the steering, and ignorant of what’s behind. Or pakcik-pakcik that drive at 60km/h and thought they are driving at 120km/h
Cure: Bear in mind that the fast lane is not for you. Keep left unless overtaking a 10km/h 10-wheel truck.
4 Indecisive Fence Sitter
Venue: Multiple-Lane road
Selfishness: Serious
Conscience: Below average
Direction: As others on the same chunk of lanes.
Allegation: Driving indecisively for >5 seconds with confused mind undergoing state of uncompromising difficulty to decide which lane to take. OR
Bizarrely stop at the lane dividers without any blockage at the front or urge from behind.
Potential/Typical Convicts: Bewildered as in life?
Cure: Papa says: Time to change your spectacles if you can’t distinguish the lanes properly.
We were trailing this car at a distance of at least 15 meters for a distance of at least 15 meters before he stopped at the middle of two lanes.
Was he trying to cut queue at the very front before decided to give up after sixth-sensing (is your crystal ball not working well that it take him too long?) that there is a traffic police in front?
3 Hump-ohobia
Venue: Over a bum
Selfishness: Nil, probably a little excessive obsession over new toys.
Conscience: Ok
Direction: Ascending and descending a bum
Allegation: Everybody behind is waiting for what seems like an eternity for him/her to get over the bum. It’s as if the driver had made uncountable brakes all the way up and down the bum.
Potential/Typical Convicts: New car owners.
Cure: Time. For the car to age.
2 “I-like-u-like” park-eholic
Venue: In front of shop-houses with side parking lots opposite them.
Selfishness: Much above average
Conscience: Need conscienceherapy class
Allegation: Simply park the car (ie owner had fled somewhere) making the side-parking on the other side so hard and most of the time impossible.
Potential/Typical Convicts: “Car can go through what” cult follower
Cure: Memorize this and say sarcastically 2000 times to yourself. “Brother, you think I can be like Stephan Chow pushing the car in from the side of the lot ar?”
Two of them here. Although it’s difficult for you to find a parking lot, it’s even more grueling for me to spot a parking lot yet can’t go in!
1 Obtuse Road Blocker
Venue: Narrow junction
Selfishness: Critical
Conscience: Miserable
Direction: Turning right, stop at red light
Allegation: Stuff own vehicle into the front left of the queue in pursuit of the very next green light, blocking all others from turning left.
Potential/Typical Convict: Mentally challenged self obsessive drivers.
Cure: Nil. We do not offer chronic conscience or ethics predicament related treatment.
This Kancil was trying to cut queue (and BLOCK others) when everyone was trying to turn left. The Saga was forced into the porch of the house beside the road. Oh, the left-turning queue is supposed to be a single queue as the road they are turning into is extremely narrow even for a single car.
************
Which one is your "favorite"? Come join the party to vote!
ps: I start to suspect that I am a traffic system complaining fanatic.
